Birth Mix-Up

Taken from the BBC News Website:

Parted-at-birth twins ‘married’

It is thought the pair did not know their relationship when they married A pair of twins who were adopted by separate families as babies got married without knowing they were brother and sister, a peer told the House of Lords.A court annulled the British couple’s union after they discovered their true relationship, Lord Alton said. The peer – who was told of the case by a High Court judge involved – said the twins felt an “inevitable attraction”. He said the case showed how important it was for children to be able to find out about their biological parents. Details of the identities of the twins involved have been kept secret, but Lord Alton said the pair did not realise they were related until after their marriage. ‘Truth will out’ The former Liberal Democrat MP raised the couple’s case during a House of Lords debate on the Human Fertility and Embryology Bill in December. “They were never told that they were twins,” he told the Lords. “They met later in life and felt an inevitable attraction, and the judge had to deal with the consequences of the marriage that they entered into and all the issues of their separation.” He told the BBC News website that their story raises the wider issue of the importance of strengthening the rights of children to know the identities of their biological parents. “If you start trying to conceal someone’s identity, sooner or later the truth will out,” he said. “And if you don’t know you are biologically related to someone, you may become attracted to them and tragedies like this may occur.” Pam Hodgkins, chief executive officer of the charity Adults Affected by Adoption (NORCAP) said there had been previous cases of separated siblings being attracted to each other. “We have a resistance, a very strong incest taboo where we are aware that someone is a biological relative,” she said. “But when we are unaware of that relationship, we are naturally drawn to people who are quite similar to ourselves. ‘Incredibly rare’ “And of course there is unlikely to be anyone more similar to any individual than their sibling.” Mo O’Reilly, director of child placement for the British Association for Adoption and Fostering, said the situation was traumatic for the people involved, but incredibly rare. “Thirty or 40 years ago it would have been more likely that twins be separated and, brought up without knowledge of each other,” she said. Today, however, adopted children grow up with a greater knowledge of their birth families – and organisations try to place brothers and sisters together. If that were not possible, the siblings would still have some form of contact with each other. “This sad case illustrates why, over the last 20-30 years, the shift to openness in adoption was so important,” Ms O’Reilly added.

The importance of manners

Manners are the un-enforced standards of conduct which show a person to be cultured, polite and refined. They set a standard for human behaviour. What is considered to be “mannerly” is highly susceptible to change with time, geographic location, social stratum, occasion and other matters. Manners matter is evinced by the fact that large books have been written on the subject and that schools have existed for the sole purpose of teaching manners.Good manners are the first mark of good breeding and reflects directly on a person’s upbringing; therefore learning good manners begins at home and should be taught by parents.Good manners do not come naturally, they have to be learnt. If children were not told and shown how to behave politely they will grow up rough and rude like savages.Manners are something used every day to make a good impression on others and to feel good about one self. Good manners are more than “opening doors” and “writing thank you notes”. While opening doors for others and writing notes is nice, true courtesy goes deeper. Being polite and courteous means considering how others are feeling.If we practice good manners, we are showing people around us that we are considerate of their feelings and respectful. We are also setting standards for other’s behaviour and encouraging them to treat us with similar respect. “Treat others the way you want them to treat you”.Good manners are not the same in all countries as different nations have different customs. In England it is a mark of respect to take your hat off in another persons house or when you meet people you know in a street, but in India it is polite to keep the hat on and rude to take it off.However good manners may be different in different places, the principle of good manners is always the same everywhere – it is consideration for the feelings of others.Good manners are very important as they teach us the way to behave in society. They enable us to make favourable impressions on others, in school, at job interviews, in business and in just about every situation in life.Children who understand and practice good manners feel more self confident and become more proactive in their dealings with adults. This feeling of self confidence is very important to our future success.

What is respect?

Respect is…listening with out interrupting

Respect is…taking your partner’s feelings into consideration

Respect is…keeping an open mind

Respect is…agreeing to disagree

Respect is…trying to understand your partner’s viewpoint

Respect is…loving yourself

Respect is…trust and honesty

Respect is…giving each other space

Respect is…nonviolence

Respect is…direct communication

Respect is…building a person up instead of tearing them down

Respect is…friendship

Respect is…not pressuring the other person

Family

There are several ways in which the family life cycle can be analyzed in comparison to the definition of the family. They can be static, focusing on structures for instance, role relations or they can capture dynamic processes; how role relationships between husband and wife or parent and child change over time and how they are related to socio-cultural changes. Family processes change from the beginning of the marital unit until it concludes with old age of the spouses. There is a continuous process of growth that a family experience as it travels through the family life cycle. During the first stage of the family life cycle there are many challenges the couple face as well as a great sense of responsibility to one another. For instance, there is an adjustment to living together: sex, marital chastity, lifestyle, work, religion, etc. However there are also many rewards that the couple receives such as, romance, intimacy and a sense of belonging to one another. The next stages of the life cycle, newborn babies are raised to adulthood, only to join with new adults to re-establish their own families. Families prepare their children for life, teaching skills, values and attitudes that equip them to learn, work, form friendships and contribute to society. The family remains a vital means of preserving and transmitting cultural values, it educates, motivates, and supports its individual members, thereby acting as a vital resource for development.

Chasing our dreams and not our shadows

Today I happened to spend the best part of the day with someone who means the world to me.

With him not only do our usual, i.e. going to the gym etc but he made realise something very important through the viewing of a film.

In the UK there is a film out called The Kite Runner. The synopsis given in the film guide reads as follows:

“In San Francisco, novelist Amir reflects back on his childhood in Kabul, Afghanistan, and the terrible events that befell him and his servant/best friend Hassan before the Soviet Invasion in 1979”

Having just watched the film, I feel that this does not cut half the justice it deserves. It was so beautifully wrote and brought a tear to not just mine but many people’s eyes.

The idea of chasing shadows is followed throughout the film and the values of friendship are shown. Without giving too much away about the film Hassan takes so much for his friend Amir. Some of which some of us can relate to, and some of which really brings to home to what life is always about.

A moral comes out from the story that you must appreciate those around you and those loved ones. I realised that to me my most important people in my life are my keys. Its people like my family, John, Tor, Louise and my work colleagues that make me who I am. They have stood by me through thick and thin, and I know I do not show them enough.

It is about values and morals, how we perceive them and also what we make of our dreams. A letter from one best friend to another explains about his dreams and what he would like his son to grow up to see and know.

Well this is my dreams…

1.       To turn back time and get back the one true love

2.       To be happy

3.       To be healthy and see the flowers bloom, to see the beautiful world as it is.

4.       To spend time with those that matter

5.       To have what I had, keep hold of it and never let go

These are the most important things to me and to achieve them would make everything complete and my time on this tiny little dot worthwhile.

Amir corrects a wrong in the story and makes it all complete and right in the end. Hence my title, chasing your dreams and not your shadows. It tells of how you should forward and not back.

However there is something I must do before I can look forward and with the support of my family and friends I am hoping to achieve that. All will become apparent in time.

The film is set about the Soviet Invasion. For those who are unsure about the Invasion, here is a small synopsis:

The Soviet war in Afghanistan also known as the Soviet-Afghan War was a nine-year conflict involving Soviet forces supporting the Marxist People’s Democratic Party of Afghanistan (PDPA) government against the largely Islamic fundamentalist Mujahideen insurgents. The latter group found support from a variety of sources including the United States, Saudi Arabia, Pakistan and other Muslim nations in the context of the Cold War. This conflict was concurrent to the 1979 Iranian Revolution and the Iran-Iraq War.The initial Soviet deployment of the 40th Army in Afghanistan began on December 25, 1979. The final troop withdrawal began on May 15, 1988, and ended on February 15, 1989. Due to the high cost and ultimate futility of this conflict, the war in Afghanistan has often been referred to as the Soviet equivalent of the United States’ Vietnam War.The war had a profound impact in the Soviet Union, and has been cited as one of the key factors in the collapse of the Soviet Union in 1991.

   

You know your in love when …

you can put a tick next to each of the following:

1) The way you stand by my side
2) The times you make sure nothing will harm me
3) How you always find a new way to “WoW” me
4) When I’m sad, you take the pain away with a joke
5) How you always look deep into my eyes
6) How you can make my heart melt with your soft lips
7) The way you hold my hand so tight
The way you never let my hands go
How you always watch out for me
9) They way you make sure I have everything I need
10) How you always know what to say when I get mad at you
11) When you buy me things out of the blue
12) How you say the cutest things over and over and never gets old
13) The way you play with my hair when I’m falling asleep
14) The way you stare at me as if I am the most handsome guy in the world!
15) The times when you where determind for me not to be mad at you anymore
16) The way you look when I get all dressed up
17) The smile you give after I’m done kissing you
18) The way you act like a dork but make me laugh
19) The way your not embarrased to say or do anything in front of me
20) How you can just defend me and not be scared
21) They way you walk when you get sad!!
22) The look you make when you get jealous
23) When Im feeling the worst, you make me feel the happiest
24) The way you sing to be all cheesy
25) How you can just drive hours to see me for a day
26) How you always finish my sentences
27) How your the only one who thinks im NOT weird
28) How your the only one who gets my joke… and laughs
29) The way we play stupid games, but you play anyways
30) How I can never hate you
31) How you love me like no other
32) The way you touch me as if I might break
33) How you tell me long stories that have no meaning, but you know I’ll listen anyway
34) How you listen to me talk for hours
35) How you forgive me when I do wrong
36) How you hardly ever get mad at me
37) The way you look after I say I love you
38) How times it seems like we’re the only ones here
39) the way your not embarrased to call me sweet things in front of anyone
40) The way you call me every freakin minute
41) The way you always find a way to see me or talk to me
42) How you put ME before you friends
43) How you would do anything I say
44) The way you get my attention
45) The way I turn you on, without me doing anything
46) How you can just speak your mind
47) How your not afraid to tell me your feelings
48) How you can cry in front of me with out being shy or embarassed
49) How you can diss parties to just stay home with me all night
50) How we talk on the phone all night
51) How we both get along so well
52) The way you spend all your money to buy calling cards for me
53) The way we’re so much alike!!
54) How you make me feel when I think I’m nothing
55) the way you inspire me with your thoughts and emotions!!!!

Loving and Leaving

My mum sent me this is an email, it was such a touching story and so true in some relationships … Read it and see what you think! Rebecca Kingsbury • Loving and Leaving They stood at the station, him and her, their breath rising in clouds on that cold night. The lights above their heads bathed their numb cheeks and red noses in an orange glow. The weight of her bag made the strap dig into her shoulder. ‘A nice bruise in the morning’, she thought.

Her train was coming down the track, she could hear its clatter, and it filled her with dread. She knew she had to say goodbye, get on the train and go back to her life in the south. But she really didn’t want to. These hasty, rushed goodbyes killed a part of her every time, and no matter what anyone said, it didn’t get any easier. Each time she was left feeling miserable, lost, melancholy, sitting on the thundering train, reliving times with him.

The train came into view and her heart dropped to her feet as the station announced it was definitely hers. She looked at him and he had the same dismay in his eyes. ‘Why did it have to be so hard? Why do we have to relive this pain every time? He’s my life, my happiness. Why do I have to live without that?’ She knew why. ‘Character building, ‘growing up’, ‘independence’ – these were the words her mother had used in their many discussions on the subject. But she already had a character, and had grown, and she didn’t want to be independent. Sure she would like a life and a job and friends, but all she really wanted was to be with him. Why was that such a difficult request?

The doors opened, beeping incessantly at her, like a nagging mother. She clung to him, taking in everything – the smell of his coat, the warmth ebbing through it from his skin to hers, the blue of his eyes, the sound of his voice vibrating through her, calming her, the taste of his lips. Then she struggled on the train, trying not to cry as she let go of his hand, and found a seat.

They both waved as the train pulled away, and both had the same sad, lonely look on their face. She waved for as long as she could see him, until he was a tiny figure on the platform. Then she sat starring out the window as the misery and darkness of the night engulfed her.
© Rebecca Kingsbury December 2004

Rebecca is a Creative Writing student at Portsmouth University

Saying Goodbye

James Blunt has got it right with his song, goodbye my lover,

Did I disappoint you or let you down? Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown? ‘Cause I saw the end before we’d begun, Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won. So I took what’s mine by eternal right. Took your soul out into the night. It may be over but it won’t stop there, I am here for you if you’d only care. You touched my heart you touched my soul. You changed my life and all my goals. And love is blind and that I knew when, My heart was blinded by you. I’ve kissed your lips and held your head. Shared your dreams and shared your bed. I know you well, I know your smell. I’ve been addicted to you. Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend. You have been the one. You have been the one for me. I am a dreamer but when I wake, You can’t break my spirit – it’s my dreams you take. And as you move on, remember me, Remember us and all we used to be I’ve seen you cry, I’ve seen you smile. I’ve watched you sleeping for a while. I’d be the father of your child. I’d spend a lifetime with you. I know your fears and you know mine. We’ve had our doubts but now we’re fine, And I love you, I swear that’s true. I cannot live without you. Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend. You have been the one. You have been the one for me. And I still hold your hand in mine. In mine when I’m asleep. And I will bear my soul in time, When I’m kneeling at your feet. Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend. You have been the one. You have been the one for me. I’m so hollow, baby, I’m so hollow. I’m so, I’m so, I’m so hollow.

You know who you are ..

 I  remember sitting watching this film with you, and this poem has stuck in my head since we split, half of it is applicable

and you know what I mean .. so heres to you !

10 Things I Hate About You  I hate the way you talk to me,  And the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car,  I hate it when you stare.  I hate your big dumb combat boots  And the way you read my mind.  I hate you so much it makes me sick, It even makes me rhyme.  I hate the way you’re always right,  I hate it when you lie.  I hate it when you make me laugh, Even worse when you make me cry  I hate it when you’re not around,  And the fact that you didn’t call  But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you,  Not even close… Not even a little bit…  Not even at all.

American Atheists 34th National Conference

I am so excited about this, I am attending a conference in Minnesota where I can meet atheists alike and have proper discussions about it all without being rubbished off! Meeting new people alike and also past friends will be great.

I will be away for a few weeks, but will take plenty of photos and post them up here for you all to see. Am using the time also to meet up with some family and have a good old catch up.

Please come along if you can, there is a page with all the information below:

http://www.atheists.org/conference/