2008

When the bells chimed for 2008, my initial thought was life had to get better and that it did.

Firstly there was having my knee finally sorted, no more pain. And then there’s the promotion at work. Finally a man.

I never thought I would ever meet someone else. I have found a soul mate, a lover and a best friend. Moving into the next chapter of my life with someone is always better than being alone, which I  am finding now. When I look back to what I was doing this time last year and the circumstances. In comparison to this year, it’s changed totally and I am so happy where I am now. The feeling of being loved, held in their arms and to be able to say that I feel safe means a lot to me.

He knows how special he is to me and I would not change this ever. He knows how I feel and how much life is better with him.

Hopefully this year will bring many more happiness and also memories that will be long lasting.

An Open Letter

My Special GuyI never thought that in my wildest dreams that I would fall in love once more.

The thought of being held in someone’s arms, experiencing that soft gentle kiss and being able to feel so comfortable around someone was somewhat just a memory. But meeting you has been a life changer and I am so glad that I have made the decisions that I have. To feel safe, secure and happy is a big change and one in which I would like to keep.

Holding hands, and being able to talk things through thorough. The feeling of completeness and also being able to lie in your arms. It is a nice feeling, being able to look deep in your eyes and to be able to smile knowing that you would protect me.

I want to say thank-you for looking out for me, and thank-you for taking me under your wing and looking after me. You are truly one special person and I am so grateful for having this opportunity to spend my time with you.

I am so glad that you choose me, of all the other gals you could have picked, you choose me.That made me so good inside, so happy and I want to say that I am yours for as long as we may be together.

Love AlwaysYour Princess xx

Relationships and Love

 

I am blessed in the sense to be able to have the opportunity to write for the local rag magazine.

In it, my main role is to give advice on relationships and also be an open ear to those that are troubled. In an open clinic previously held I was approached by a young girl who had just split from her boyfriend of many years. She was distraught that it was over and needed some advice as to where she should go from here. Being recently single myself, I can put myself in her shoes and I found myself asking the same question. After rallying around with my friends they were able to help me put this together, a practical guide to getting over someone.

1.     Examine what happened and why. You have to make it clear to yourself that this may not be entirely your fault – or not your fault at all. Really thinking about the reasons it ended can make it clearer to you that it takes two people to start a relationship, but one discordant person is enough to end it. It may also help you avoid missteps in the future if you can identify areas where you contributed to the demise of the relationship. 2.     Accept your pain. Have your good long cries if you feel like it. It’s okay to be hurt, feel alone, and feel like you have messed up. Accepting responsibility for your mistakes or shortcomings is healthy, but you must also accept that you are a good person, and this is not all one-sided. 3.     Keep your distance. Even if you and your ex have decided to stay friends, take a complete break from each other immediately after the breakup. That means no seeing each other, no phone calls, no e-mails, no Instant Messaging, and most importantly, but until you feel that you can converse with him/her like a normal person, without an ulterior motive.4.     Think through everything in your head. Go ahead and mull it over, as many times as necessary, within reason. Consider all the reasons you two broke up. There had to have been a reason for it all to end, right? If there was a reason but it wasn’t a good one, then understanding that you enjoyed one another for awhile, but it wasn’t enough to make a life on can help you move forward. 5.     Deal with the hate phase. This is where you want to just scream because you are so angry, even furious. The amount of anger you feel all depends on how bad the “split” was, how it occurred (was there infidelity? That makes it worse), and how long it took to make the break. There may be feelings of resentment at your ex for wasting your time. You may realize the breakup was inevitable (hindsight will reveal clues you failed to notice at the time). You may even feel like you hate yourself, but let go of that feeling fast! It’s a waste of time to be hating and ripping yourself apart over something you no longer have the power to change. 6.     Talk to your friends. They are always a source of advice and help. If you are close with any family members, they may be a good source of advice/guidance. You want people around you that love you and who will help you see that you should love yourself too. Surrounding yourself with compassionate, loving friends and family will help you see yourself as a worthwhile, worthy person again, and you’ll find it easier to get steady on your feet again with your loved ones around you in a comforting net. 7.     Write all your feelings down. Write in a journal or write poems. Most of all, be absolutely honest and don’t edit yourself as you go. One of the best results of writing it all down is that sometimes you will be amazed by a sudden insight that comes to you as you are pouring out your thoughts onto paper. Patterns may become clearer, and as your grieving begins to lessen, you will find it so much easier to “get” valuable life lessons from the whole experience if you’ve been writing your way through it. No relationship is ever a failure if you manage to learn something about yourself from having gone through it all with your heart open to both joy and pain. Just because it didn’t work out doesn’t mean it wasn’t a necessary part of your journey to becoming who you’re meant to be. Allow at least the learning part to enrich your life8.     Clean up! A breakup can signify a new beginning. Therefore, cleaning your personal space will leave you feeling refreshed and prepared for the new things to come. A mess can be overwhelming and depressing, and will just add to your stress level. The added bonus is that keeping busy with tidying your space doesn’t require a lot of brain power, but does require just enough focus to keep you from recycling pain. Occupying yourself with these tasks designed to make your life better and easier will also occupy your mind enough to help you through the residual pain. 9.     Keep fond memories. Sometimes there are things that remind us of another person. Say, you hear a song or see a picture that reminds you of your ex, you probably get all sad and worked up. Well, instead of feeling that way, try to think of how happy that memory used to make you, and leave it at that. 10.  Find happiness in other areas of your life. Whether that means spending time with your friends and family, taking up that class you’ve always wanted to take, or reading every, remind yourself that there’s more to life than being in a relationship. Indulge in those things. As they say, the best revenge is living well. 11.  Find happiness in other areas of your life. Whether that means spending time with your friends and family, taking up that class you’ve always wanted to take, or reading every book on the New York Times bestseller list, remind yourself that there’s more to life than being in a relationship. Indulge in those things. As they say, the best revenge is living well. 12.  Let go. See that there is no sense in still being heartbroken, regretful, and harbouring hatred toward that person. Realize that although your relationship with that person was unique and special in a lot of ways, congratulate yourself for being brave enough to take a risk and fall in love, and encourage your heart that even though love didn’t work out this time, there will be a next time. 13.  Take Time. Find a place where you feel comfortable, relaxed, and which is far away from, not only your ex, but from everyone. Take a moment to listen, and to be alone. Remind yourself that it is better to be on your own than to continue in a relationship that was not right for one or both of you. 14.  Think Positive Hey, now that you’re not with your ex, you can do anything – date anyone, and not have to worry about them. You’re free! Of course, don’t forget about respecting other peoples’ thoughts while feeling released and free. And always remember to be true to yourself Having the above made it so much easier for me to reach the point I am at now. I gave this advice to the young girl and I hope that it helps as much as it did to me. If one more person said to me, that there was plenty of fish in the sea and that he never truly deserved me, I am finding myself wanting to scream. Why is it that there are so many phrases out there in the world but all you hear is the above when you split up from someone?What made the split hard in the beginning was the fact that every song reminded me of him in a way, and all you hear is love songs. I made a list of songs that empowered me to feel happier and also would like to share the following:“I Will Survive” by Gloria Gaynor or “Go Your Own Way,” by Fleetwood Mac, or “I’m Still Standing”, by Elton John, or “Ruby Red” by Jann Arden, or “You’re My Best Friend” by Queen and “Is This The World We Created” by Queen

But there comes a point when you think about moving on and meeting new people, what is the best way to do this without falling back into the same old routines either from previous relationships or what you had with your ex-partner?

I read somewhere about mapping the future. It’s pretty easy to do Take a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle of the paper. Put all things positive about past relationships on the top part and all things negative at the bottom. In future relationships look at this and if any part of the negative appears, get out whilst you can and be happy.

The most important thing is to be you, and not what you was before in a previous relationship. Now is the time to be you, the chance to be able to make that first right impression. Take the time to get yourself pampered and also have some you time to get your head around what you want to do with the rest of your life.

And when you have found that special person, make the most of it and take it slow, there is nothing worse than rushing it and ending up alone once more.

Don’t picture the past when you find that special person. Make it different, do things different, think outside the box and most of all make it different and unique to you.

 

Love, Marriage and Family

Today my 8-year old niece asked me what is love, should you get married just because you think you love someone and why do people have babies?

This got me thinking and all I could do was this:

Marriage is one thing that every person is supposed to fulfill in his life. It’s altogether a different thing that some people don’t want to get married. It’s their personal choice whether to get married or not.

It may be also because of some compelling conditions that they don’t want to get into wedlock. Let’s leave this and move our attention to another thing which is regarded as a complementary to marriage i.e. love.

Some people think it’s a must to be in love in order to get married while some think they can be in love after their marriage. And there are also many societies in this world which don’t put much emphasis on love to get married.

To them both love and marriage carries different meaning. So it’ll be quite hard to discus all the existing different forms of marriage in this single essay.

Instead of that I would like to put the main form of marriage in the light which people go by i.e. monogamy.

In sociological context marriage is regarded as a social institution which gives positive sanction to the couple comprising of a man and a woman to live together under one roof and have sexual relationship meant only for the sole purpose of procreation.

The couple also have the economic obligation to one another, in other words they have to complement each other economically. For we know the main objective of marriage now we will be forced to think if these are the reasons behind getting married then do we really need to be in love to get married.

Love is just an emotion which is abstract and marriage carries certain obligations which are too important to be in the so called society. Since marriage has had enough weight to make love seems to be unnecessary, does it mean that there isn’t need for love in this world?

So the whole situation is paradoxical in its own nature as a result most people are not sure of whatever beliefs they have about love and marriage.

Because of the above circumstance I think it’s important to throw some light on the other element love. Some people think they are in love for real and when they are in love with someone they tend to start believing that they are going to make it to the marriage and well after it till death apart them.

Though they have such feelings their minds are fluctuated at some point of time. This fluctuation of thoughts, beliefs and values plays a major part in turning the relationship upside down, utterly bringing their relation to abrupt end. It’s an incorrigible nature in us – human beings.

Everybody wants to save their relationship from going berserk. Because of this very desire on our part made me want to write this essay. I also want to contribute whatever knowledge I earned in my life to this very cause.

Before coming to those factors which are responsible for the fluctuation of our minds, we all must try to sort out what love is. In “Oxford Dictionary” it is defined in this way – “a very strong nature of affection. 2) a strong feeling of attraction linked with sexual attraction.”

This is the definition the great lexicographers of Oxford can give to this four lettered word “love.” Different people have different definitions as we all have different mindset.

I don’t wish to give its definition, but I would rather like to give three criteria which are a must to be in love according to my perspective. At first, trust; where there is no trust there can’t be love.

Secondly, mutual reciprocity of feelings; we must love the other person as much as he or she loves us. There must be always that balance of feelings so that there won’t be conflict of feelings.

Last but not least is the ability to compromise; since, it’s impossible to have similar interest in many aspects of life, we must be prepared to swallow some of our principles and values so that we can go along with our partners and eventually saving the relationship.

We all are aware of the prevailing trends in many western societies where marriage loses some of its importance as most people are not interested in getting married. The rate of divorce is also soaring up beyond our imagination.

The main issue which is in question these days is the breakdown of the age-old institution of family. Family is basic unit of society upon which the whole social system relies. This may lead to a kind of havoc which won’t spare even a single soul on the face of earth.

So we must be considerate of changing status of marriage and family. If a couple is on the verge of divorced or already divorced both the husband and wife is hurt and they go through a phase of mental trauma.

It also has a dreadful effects on their children if they have any. It’s regarded as an ignominious incident for the respective couple. We can see many of such incidents in our day to day life; just take the celebrities like that of famous actors as an instance.

In this age of infidelity and betrayal many persons are confused and their minds are perplexed. And they don’t even know how to soothe their perplexed minds in these increasingly complex societies.

They need some kind of panacea but unfortunately nobody knows from where to fetch it. I mean nobody knows the solution.

Just like the married couples many youngsters are changing their dates like changing underwear. This in turn leads to lose of faith from love. Many people think love is the avenue to sex.

If this is the truth then I would like to remain as a bachelor throughout my life as I can buy sex but not love. To me love is that magic that can change our lives for ever and it’ll also save your marriage from destruction.

If we are getting married only for sexual reasons, then it’ll be better if we don’t get into the fuss of getting married. If you are married to someone it means you’ve to be royal to him or her, confining only to one person.

Instead of it if you are not married then you can share your bed with anyone and you’ll be also able to change your partner at your will, isn’t it?

Let’s try to save the sacred institution of family by being royal to your love ones. And look thoroughly before getting into a relationship with someone so that you don’t have to make a fuss later on cursing the other person and your life.

It’ll also save you from STDs, am I right my dear friends. At the last moment I would like to remind you that it’s your life and something bad happens to you then you are the only one who’ll be paying for that mistake you committed in life.

Nobody has to carry your burden on his shoulder. So it’s your life do whatever you want.