An Open Letter

My Special GuyI never thought that in my wildest dreams that I would fall in love once more.

The thought of being held in someone’s arms, experiencing that soft gentle kiss and being able to feel so comfortable around someone was somewhat just a memory. But meeting you has been a life changer and I am so glad that I have made the decisions that I have. To feel safe, secure and happy is a big change and one in which I would like to keep.

Holding hands, and being able to talk things through thorough. The feeling of completeness and also being able to lie in your arms. It is a nice feeling, being able to look deep in your eyes and to be able to smile knowing that you would protect me.

I want to say thank-you for looking out for me, and thank-you for taking me under your wing and looking after me. You are truly one special person and I am so grateful for having this opportunity to spend my time with you.

I am so glad that you choose me, of all the other gals you could have picked, you choose me.That made me so good inside, so happy and I want to say that I am yours for as long as we may be together.

Love AlwaysYour Princess xx

Relationships and Love

 

I am blessed in the sense to be able to have the opportunity to write for the local rag magazine.

In it, my main role is to give advice on relationships and also be an open ear to those that are troubled. In an open clinic previously held I was approached by a young girl who had just split from her boyfriend of many years. She was distraught that it was over and needed some advice as to where she should go from here. Being recently single myself, I can put myself in her shoes and I found myself asking the same question. After rallying around with my friends they were able to help me put this together, a practical guide to getting over someone.

1.     Examine what happened and why. You have to make it clear to yourself that this may not be entirely your fault – or not your fault at all. Really thinking about the reasons it ended can make it clearer to you that it takes two people to start a relationship, but one discordant person is enough to end it. It may also help you avoid missteps in the future if you can identify areas where you contributed to the demise of the relationship. 2.     Accept your pain. Have your good long cries if you feel like it. It’s okay to be hurt, feel alone, and feel like you have messed up. Accepting responsibility for your mistakes or shortcomings is healthy, but you must also accept that you are a good person, and this is not all one-sided. 3.     Keep your distance. Even if you and your ex have decided to stay friends, take a complete break from each other immediately after the breakup. That means no seeing each other, no phone calls, no e-mails, no Instant Messaging, and most importantly, but until you feel that you can converse with him/her like a normal person, without an ulterior motive.4.     Think through everything in your head. Go ahead and mull it over, as many times as necessary, within reason. Consider all the reasons you two broke up. There had to have been a reason for it all to end, right? If there was a reason but it wasn’t a good one, then understanding that you enjoyed one another for awhile, but it wasn’t enough to make a life on can help you move forward. 5.     Deal with the hate phase. This is where you want to just scream because you are so angry, even furious. The amount of anger you feel all depends on how bad the “split” was, how it occurred (was there infidelity? That makes it worse), and how long it took to make the break. There may be feelings of resentment at your ex for wasting your time. You may realize the breakup was inevitable (hindsight will reveal clues you failed to notice at the time). You may even feel like you hate yourself, but let go of that feeling fast! It’s a waste of time to be hating and ripping yourself apart over something you no longer have the power to change. 6.     Talk to your friends. They are always a source of advice and help. If you are close with any family members, they may be a good source of advice/guidance. You want people around you that love you and who will help you see that you should love yourself too. Surrounding yourself with compassionate, loving friends and family will help you see yourself as a worthwhile, worthy person again, and you’ll find it easier to get steady on your feet again with your loved ones around you in a comforting net. 7.     Write all your feelings down. Write in a journal or write poems. Most of all, be absolutely honest and don’t edit yourself as you go. One of the best results of writing it all down is that sometimes you will be amazed by a sudden insight that comes to you as you are pouring out your thoughts onto paper. Patterns may become clearer, and as your grieving begins to lessen, you will find it so much easier to “get” valuable life lessons from the whole experience if you’ve been writing your way through it. No relationship is ever a failure if you manage to learn something about yourself from having gone through it all with your heart open to both joy and pain. Just because it didn’t work out doesn’t mean it wasn’t a necessary part of your journey to becoming who you’re meant to be. Allow at least the learning part to enrich your life8.     Clean up! A breakup can signify a new beginning. Therefore, cleaning your personal space will leave you feeling refreshed and prepared for the new things to come. A mess can be overwhelming and depressing, and will just add to your stress level. The added bonus is that keeping busy with tidying your space doesn’t require a lot of brain power, but does require just enough focus to keep you from recycling pain. Occupying yourself with these tasks designed to make your life better and easier will also occupy your mind enough to help you through the residual pain. 9.     Keep fond memories. Sometimes there are things that remind us of another person. Say, you hear a song or see a picture that reminds you of your ex, you probably get all sad and worked up. Well, instead of feeling that way, try to think of how happy that memory used to make you, and leave it at that. 10.  Find happiness in other areas of your life. Whether that means spending time with your friends and family, taking up that class you’ve always wanted to take, or reading every, remind yourself that there’s more to life than being in a relationship. Indulge in those things. As they say, the best revenge is living well. 11.  Find happiness in other areas of your life. Whether that means spending time with your friends and family, taking up that class you’ve always wanted to take, or reading every book on the New York Times bestseller list, remind yourself that there’s more to life than being in a relationship. Indulge in those things. As they say, the best revenge is living well. 12.  Let go. See that there is no sense in still being heartbroken, regretful, and harbouring hatred toward that person. Realize that although your relationship with that person was unique and special in a lot of ways, congratulate yourself for being brave enough to take a risk and fall in love, and encourage your heart that even though love didn’t work out this time, there will be a next time. 13.  Take Time. Find a place where you feel comfortable, relaxed, and which is far away from, not only your ex, but from everyone. Take a moment to listen, and to be alone. Remind yourself that it is better to be on your own than to continue in a relationship that was not right for one or both of you. 14.  Think Positive Hey, now that you’re not with your ex, you can do anything – date anyone, and not have to worry about them. You’re free! Of course, don’t forget about respecting other peoples’ thoughts while feeling released and free. And always remember to be true to yourself Having the above made it so much easier for me to reach the point I am at now. I gave this advice to the young girl and I hope that it helps as much as it did to me. If one more person said to me, that there was plenty of fish in the sea and that he never truly deserved me, I am finding myself wanting to scream. Why is it that there are so many phrases out there in the world but all you hear is the above when you split up from someone?What made the split hard in the beginning was the fact that every song reminded me of him in a way, and all you hear is love songs. I made a list of songs that empowered me to feel happier and also would like to share the following:“I Will Survive” by Gloria Gaynor or “Go Your Own Way,” by Fleetwood Mac, or “I’m Still Standing”, by Elton John, or “Ruby Red” by Jann Arden, or “You’re My Best Friend” by Queen and “Is This The World We Created” by Queen

But there comes a point when you think about moving on and meeting new people, what is the best way to do this without falling back into the same old routines either from previous relationships or what you had with your ex-partner?

I read somewhere about mapping the future. It’s pretty easy to do Take a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle of the paper. Put all things positive about past relationships on the top part and all things negative at the bottom. In future relationships look at this and if any part of the negative appears, get out whilst you can and be happy.

The most important thing is to be you, and not what you was before in a previous relationship. Now is the time to be you, the chance to be able to make that first right impression. Take the time to get yourself pampered and also have some you time to get your head around what you want to do with the rest of your life.

And when you have found that special person, make the most of it and take it slow, there is nothing worse than rushing it and ending up alone once more.

Don’t picture the past when you find that special person. Make it different, do things different, think outside the box and most of all make it different and unique to you.

 

Another Day …

Today marks the day that someone special in my life turns 30. Only he does not realise just how special he is to me.

Not a day goes by when I do not think of him and what he might be doing. The truth is I like him alot and I don’t think he realises how much. I would give anything for him, for he is my best friend and more than. 

All I ask is that he has a good birthday and who knows maybe what I had planned for him originally can still come true.

Is religion healthy?

If religious beliefs can be justified rationally and are based on a realistic understanding of life, then most people would conclude that religion is healthy. On the other hand, if we find things are believed without any basis in reason or evidence, there is a chance that they are simply delusions- things we would like to be true, but for which we have no good reason to believe they are actually true- and holding such beliefs makes people vulnerable, since their view of life does not fit reality, and that may be regarded as unhealthy.

Sigmund Freud (1856-1939), famously described religion as a ‘universal obsessional neurosis’ and did so because he saw parallels between the compulsive washing and tidying routines of his obsessive neurotic patients and religious rituals designed to assure people that their sins were forgiven. Like the compulsive who constantly returns to wash his or her hands, but never feels clean, religious people are continually forgiven their sins, but need to return to hear that forgiveness proclaimed over and over again.

In this, Freud identifies religious activity with the symptoms of illness, rather than its cure. The logic of this is that attending a religious ceremony actually removed a sense of guilt and set that person right, then he or she would do it only once. The fact that religion becomes a routine activity suggests that it maintains a sense of need and dependency, rather than eliminating it.

These are two very different aspects to Freud’s work on religion. The first, set out in his Totem and Taboo (1913), looks at the origin of religion in early tribal society. It develops his ideas about the idea of God and of social taboos that are given moral and religious authority. It also considers magic as the mistaken attempt to control the physical world through the mind. The second, in the future of an illusion (1927), looks at religion and evaluates what it does, taking the view that it is an illusion, and that people would be better served by addressing the reality of their lives. It is the second aspect that has continuing relevance for the philosophy of religion, since it argues that religion is an ‘illusion’-a systematic attempt to shield people from the threatening aspects of the world. It raises fundamental questions about why religion continues to appeal, and whether what it offers is true or helpful.

Just as, in an ideal world, a small child can look to their physical father for protection and reassurance, so an adult, facing the hazards of life and recognizing his or her frailty, is tempted to use the idea of god as a father substitute. God controls the world and looks after you to make sure that, in spite of evidence to the contrary everything is going to plan and you will be okay. Freud saw such religious belief as a human construct and therefore an illusion.

Atheism and Me

After religiously going to church every week and being in the church choir- I got thinking. Was it really worth it? Was god real, if so why did bad events happen in real life?

What also contributed to my decision to become an atheist was the fact that in RE at school, we were discussing and looking into religions. A few of my friends who also questioned the existence of god, and myself put together a presentation to put forward to the Head Teacher at the time.

We had to sell the idea that although in school it is great to respect other religions but at the same time Atheism existed and should be spoke about in RE lessons. Prior to this presentation, atheism was frowned upon.

So aside homework, we met up twice a week and decided on how we were going to do things especially more so as it was such a big area to cover. A little over three weeks and we were ready. We presented the Head Teacher with a presentation that lasted over two hours. We won our case and now it is taught alongside the curriculum.

But this is not about what we did back then but, however it is to do with atheism means to me.

Atheism is characterized by an absence of belief in the existence of gods. This absence of belief generally comes about either through deliberate choice, or from an inherent inability to believe religious teachings which seem literally incredible. It is not a lack of belief born out of simple ignorance of religious teachings.

Some atheists go beyond a mere absence of belief in gods: they actively believe that particular gods, or all gods, do not exist. Just lacking belief in Gods is often referred to as the “weak atheist” position; whereas believing that gods do not (or cannot) exist is known as “strong atheism.”It is important, however, to note the difference between the strong and weak atheist positions. “Weak atheism” is simple scepticism; disbelief in the existence of God. “Strong atheism” is an explicitly held belief that God does not exist. Please do not fall into the trap of assuming that all atheists are “strong atheists.” There is a qualitative difference in the “strong” and “weak” positions; it’s not just a matter of degree.Atheism by itself does not imply anything much about how a person will behave. Most atheists follow many of the same “moral rules” as theists, but for different reasons. Atheists view morality as something created by humans, according to the way humans feel the world ‘ought’ to work, rather than seeing it as a set of rules decreed by a supernatural being.People say that being an atheist, is hard especially when the times get rough, but with the support of a supportive family and having the main comforts about you, helps and brings you back to the safe zone.

Mistresses and Affairs

Over in the UK is a great programmes called Mistresses, and it is about a group of woman that are friends but have their minds elsewhere so to speak.  Some of the friends have had partners that have died or some are married and are doing the worst deed.

It made me think about how people could dream of it. 

The very thought is not at all a pleasant one. For example, a classic affair tends to be in marriages and a recent statistic has shown that 90% of affairs get found out through emails and also phone messages. No matter how careful people are, there will be always a dark presence over them- guilt. When you get married, in any religion you take a set of vows dedicating to be with the one you love and no one else.

For example, in Christianity the wedding vows are:

“Do you, __ take __ to be your (wife/husband)? Do you promise to love, honor, cherish and protect her/him, forsaking all others and holding only unto her/him?” (“I do”) “I __ , take thee __ , to be my (wife/husband) to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, and I promise my love to you..”

Before going on and exchanging rings saying: “With this ring, I thee wed; all my love, I do thee give.”

Some vows are different but they tend to generally go around this idea: “Do you take ___ as your lawful wife/husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish until death do you part?”

What  I would question is why do people take these vows and then break them and have affairs? If you do not wish to stick to these vows why make them and get married in the first place.

But in all seriousness what is a mistress? Everyone has their perception and their ideals but in general a mistress surely is not all it is cracked up to be. There is good sex, hotel room adventures, late nights, seductive phone calls, exciting secret dates, gifts and the thrill of doing something bad.

Many people are happily married before it gets boring and then they play as such. However this is not true in all cases. Many people tend to fall into marriage to avoid what the evitable may be. These relationships are the ones that tend to end in deception because people cannot change. No matter what they do, or how they try to think.

Mistresses may thrive on the emotional pain, and hurt that they are causing. They tend to live in fantasy land that they will be happy eventually and this tends to be short lived especially when they get found out.Having an affair with someone who is married or not as in some cases, it is not socially or morally nice. Being cheated on is the worst feeling and it is one that we do not want to be in. Many people get hurt and many will suffer for years as a result.

Being involved as a mistress or in an affair, shows that  you are not looking for commitment in a relationship. Having to cover your tracks, lie, is no fun for no one and only hurts more people in the long run.People tend to get found out by the easiest and simple signs, staying up late on the computer, getting up early before your partners, being secretive either with the internet or with your phone. Body language plays a big part, it could be from before if out with friends etc, all these signs are easy read and will get you found out.

An Open Letter

A close friend of mine who is serving with the army recently passed away. Upon meeting up with the family after his wake, his mum read out the following, it touched us all and we all had tears in my eyes. With her permission this is her letter, please read it.

 

My dearest Shawn,

Writing this has never been so hard. Never in my life have I felt openly that I wanted to express my hurt to an event.

When you were born, you were so small and the moment you were placed in my arms… what a truly magical moment that was. You had a glimpse in your eyes and your dad and I both had tears of joy. Growing up you was a lovely little boy. You helped anyone out if needed and also had lots of friends. You were never afraid of anything and I think this influenced you to join the army.

The day you told your dad and me about joining the army, my heart sank. It felt as if you were being dragged away from home without the kicking and screaming. You did several tours with the army, and wrote home with fascinating tales, and photographs. But no more.

When we received the phone call informing us of your death, our world was torn apart. You meant everything to us and no matter how much we asked you to leave the army you could not do it. It was your life and you had a lot of friends there. One of which was like your brother, you were based together, trained together and went on holidays together.  You left this world together when you were involved in the roadside bomb.

Not only did we loose a son, the army lost a best friend and also the family lost a stepping stone.

It was not meant to be this way. No family should loose a child before they go, but it was never meant to be in this case. We miss you son, take care wherever you may be.

With much love now and always,

Your loving Mum xx

Loughborough looses out on 2012

Loughborough University, situated in the midlands has been subject to a serious competition- the fight to host Team GB’s training camp.

Instead it went to Aldershot Military Base. Why or how Loughborough lost to Aldershot goes right past me. Loughborough has it all a new training camp and also top of the range accommodation for the competitors.

There will be participants moving there which will mean that more housing will be built, a new hockey track and also a new martial arts centre. Sport is what Loughborough is known for, Army life is what Aldershot is known for.

Charity Dinner Dance

I was lucky enough to be invited to a charity dinner dance. The charity itself was CLIC but they also gave to other local charities.For those of you that are not familiar with CLIC, here is some information on what they do and also on their charity.CLIC SargentEvery day 10 families are told their child has cancer. As the UK’s leading children’s cancer charity, CLIC Sargent is the only organisation to offer them all round care and support. That’s because we’re there every step of the way:During treatment – providing specialist nurses, doctors, play specialists, Homes from HomeIn hospital & at home – offering specialist social care and family support in the community – specialist youth services, holidays, grants, helplineAfter treatment – helping survivors, supporting those bereaved, researchThey really do a lot for these children who suffer and to be able to attend was so much fun. My date for the event, was every bit charming as well as handsome but he was a true gent to the word. I want to say a huge thank you for coming with me; it really meant a lot more for the charity.Recognition for these events often go amiss but the organizers really did a marvelous job, from the decor to the entertainment. My advice is if you get the opportunity to attend one of these events then do it. Its not only for a good cause but its a great social event.

Birth Mix-Up

Taken from the BBC News Website:

Parted-at-birth twins ‘married’

It is thought the pair did not know their relationship when they married A pair of twins who were adopted by separate families as babies got married without knowing they were brother and sister, a peer told the House of Lords.A court annulled the British couple’s union after they discovered their true relationship, Lord Alton said. The peer – who was told of the case by a High Court judge involved – said the twins felt an “inevitable attraction”. He said the case showed how important it was for children to be able to find out about their biological parents. Details of the identities of the twins involved have been kept secret, but Lord Alton said the pair did not realise they were related until after their marriage. ‘Truth will out’ The former Liberal Democrat MP raised the couple’s case during a House of Lords debate on the Human Fertility and Embryology Bill in December. “They were never told that they were twins,” he told the Lords. “They met later in life and felt an inevitable attraction, and the judge had to deal with the consequences of the marriage that they entered into and all the issues of their separation.” He told the BBC News website that their story raises the wider issue of the importance of strengthening the rights of children to know the identities of their biological parents. “If you start trying to conceal someone’s identity, sooner or later the truth will out,” he said. “And if you don’t know you are biologically related to someone, you may become attracted to them and tragedies like this may occur.” Pam Hodgkins, chief executive officer of the charity Adults Affected by Adoption (NORCAP) said there had been previous cases of separated siblings being attracted to each other. “We have a resistance, a very strong incest taboo where we are aware that someone is a biological relative,” she said. “But when we are unaware of that relationship, we are naturally drawn to people who are quite similar to ourselves. ‘Incredibly rare’ “And of course there is unlikely to be anyone more similar to any individual than their sibling.” Mo O’Reilly, director of child placement for the British Association for Adoption and Fostering, said the situation was traumatic for the people involved, but incredibly rare. “Thirty or 40 years ago it would have been more likely that twins be separated and, brought up without knowledge of each other,” she said. Today, however, adopted children grow up with a greater knowledge of their birth families – and organisations try to place brothers and sisters together. If that were not possible, the siblings would still have some form of contact with each other. “This sad case illustrates why, over the last 20-30 years, the shift to openness in adoption was so important,” Ms O’Reilly added.